My ammunition

You are the ammunition

Inside my ambition

Do you even know you  fired the gun of my poet’s mission?

They aren’t just words that rhyme

Even though I do it all the  time

 

And now my heart has become

Like a math problem I can’t quite configure

BECAUSE I used to think I was cold

BECAUSE I felt ice in my veins

BECAUSE I was driving my self insane!!!!!!!!!

Because I couldn’t remeber

What feelings were…

 

And now here I stand

Not knowing how to understand

What I it is I feel for you

The worst part is you don’t respond!

Now I just want these feelings to be gone

 

Somehow they keep growing

Without me knowing

Put my feelings in a gun

They’re dangerous… but don’t be treacherous with me I beg

 

But these unresponded feelings have left me so blue

I just don’t know what to do

Just tell me should I pull the trigger??!!

Or can I let my feelings for you get bigger?

 

I must admit a part of it is kinda nice

So let me disarm for a moment

And let you feel the components

You are the ammunition

I admire your ambitions

Things you dream

What you want to be

Who you are

 

But still I wait for your answer

With my bleeding heart being pointed at with no armour

Waiting is not my game

I’m not a fool, or no one’s tool

So let me know

When to pull the trigger…

And finish off this bleeding heart

 

Boom!

 

I think I just did it for you

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Black Heart

He left quite the impression

And now… There’s lack of attention

I must admit I feel dumb

And now my heart is numb

With emotions

At first it felt great

Like I was drunk off love potion

Now it’s disturbing… disgusting

FUCK this notion!

I felt it so strongly

My mind having him so invitingly

The thoughts became an addiction

And the smiles an affliction

Just wanting to captivate

A moment with him

And activate

All I was beginning to feel

Can’t even deny the craving for passion

But not in the sleezy fashion

I just wanted to give him all I had been feeling

And then I realized what I started revealing!

Suddenly I feel exposed

No longer composed

Like something inside me exploded

Yea… my heart just floated

And I don’t know why?!

FUCK THIS! He’s not that fly

Yea now I’m angry

Quite disturbed

Cause he’s so self absorbed

These are the things I say to my self

To get him off my mental shelf

And I’m so disgusted

Now my own feelings can’t be trusted

I didn’t know this could happen

I liked it better when my heart was blackened

And I felt nothing

I’m not bluffing

But I’ll get through this

As long as he disappears

Then I can start to cheer.

My confession

I must confess

I’m just a mess

I think my mind has been put to the test

Cause I can’t stop thinking about you

And I don’t know why

You don’t even try

 

You see

My heart used to be

Trapped inside

A hollow side

Wooden box

 

So now my heart

Is out chasing after you

and that’s the naked truth

So grab it… beat it

Till its black and blue

As long as I get to think about you

 

You see

My heart used to be

Trapped inside

A hollow side

Wooden box

And you set it free

So I must confess I like the feeling you give to me

 

I forgot how it felt to feel

But I also forgot what it is to heal

A broken heart

At this point I don’t even care

If you reject me or leave me in despair

It’s just… my heart feels alive again

With you attached to a chain in my brain

Its addictive like coccaine

With mental pictures like I’m dreaming

Then I’m gleaming with a smile

 

You see…

My heart used to be

Trapped inside

A hollow side

Wooden box

The Evil Queen

A kingdom destroyed

Left unguarded… thrown away… disregarded

The soldiers were deployed

Sent away to a battle

Just like babies holding rattles

And the feeling became normal again

Bring out the bottles, bring out the champaign

Cause they’re going to go until no one remains!

 

The orders of the Queen

They all follow her,  no matter what that means

Cast under her spell

That her own heart doesn’t even know that well

 

Another palace broken

Victory has spoken

The soldiers fulfilled their duty

Heartless… emotions diluting

 

Fortress over come

This time over none

No armies left to fight!

So tired, exhausted, drained…

The willingness to fight has sustained

 

But the Queen has her empire

And all you see around is hell fire

Old villages have been burned

But still no lessons have been learned

Not one person hurts in their eyes!

That is until the soldiers realize they were told lies

 

The Queen shows them no love or gratitude

Locks them in a far away prison of high altitude

Soldiers hearts were wrecked

Their Queen, treated them with no respect!

 

But they do not hate their queen

All they want to do is escape the prison and be seen

There was… No light… were they in a cave?

Soldiers tried to remain brave

Only option left was to pray

 

But soon darkness affected

Like an infection, spreading over their hearts and souls

And some beginning to question what was the Queens real goal?

 

The soldiers will forever love their Queen

Even though they suffer inside

And may never get to be by her side

She may be a bit cruel

But they love how she knows how to conquer and rule.

I wonder

Sometimes I wonder

What if we were someone else?

What if we had the chance to walk down the isle?

and hear those bells?

What if together we could reach our dreams?

Go higher than elevator beams?

Go to places no one knew

And have a life just me and you

What if we were powerful like Michelle and Obama?

An image of strength together like a rope that holds forever

Or what about Jay-Z and Beyonce

They cant be broken up despite what the media might say

But hold up… this isn’t that kind of poem

Despite what everyone wanted to see… tonight ima let everyone know and open their eyes

Cause all this time, they been blind and they choose to cover your sight

And now its with your I have to fight

See at first I was confused

Not knowing what I felt for you

I was just stuck on those images everyone kept putting in my head

Felt like a poor man just happy eating bread.

Your words they ALMOST felt right

Yet something missing, and that whole grew even bigger after we started kissing

I tried I tried to go along for the ride, but it didn’t feel right

It wouldn’t be fair to you or your pride

Felt like I was wearing a disguise

Pretending to be happy getting close to your side.

Then I had to tell you I just wanted to keep your friendship

And your reaction was not what I expected

You said it was cool

That things like this happen to you

Then you even asked me if my reasons were true.

But how could I tell you what was real

I just didn’t want you to feel like it was your heart I wanted to hurt or steal

Then I woke to realize

That I wasn’t seeing you with real eyes

Suddenly you started to speak falsely of me

Saying that I just want to be a slut

And pass up a good guy and treat him like some kind of mutt

All this just cause you saw me dancing with some guy at the club???

Don’t judge what you see

I know your hurt but its no excuse to say those things about me

Don’t judge me!!!!

I am who I am and I wont change for you

I ask who you think you are??? Who?

I know who I am but its just me

But you’re still trying to figure out who you want to be

I do what I want to do

And none of its for you!

So why do you care

And stop staring at me with that glare

I’m sorry thigns didn’t turn out for you

But I never led you on

Shouldn’t you be glad I didn’t drag it on?

Man im DONE trying to explain this you

You wont listen

But sometimes I wonder why

My mind tried to decide

That we could possibly be

But my heart said it wasn’t you it wanted for me

Author’s note:

***I realize that this is sort of immature to write about someone, but I wrote this piece due to a situation that got out of hand with a friend. Lesson learned for me. When you cross that line with a friend, sometimes there is just no going back. Always listen to your gut, and not your friends. If it does not feel right its for a reason. I honestly regret everything and wish I could take things back. Who’s to say that I am perfect because I am not. This poem is just the way that I was expressing my self and how I felt at that moment when I was angry.

Stuck

I feel so stuck

Stuck in this sentiment

Caught in my own feelings…

 

And there’s a feeling I can’t remember

Like a sudden amnesia

And if I think about too long it will cause nausea

 

My heart, my heart has turned so cold it hurts

Just like the winds in January

When it’s getting colder

And the holidays are over

And you’ve realized there’s nothing left

Wallets are empty, like someone’s committed theft

 

In my heart there’s a distance

Get me a converter

Cause I can’t figure out the formula

Its like I can’t find the words and I begin to choke

And then I say FUCK!

Simply confusion gone amuck

 

I just don’t know why I’m stuck

 

I was once told I was bold

Then they looked at their friend and said “Behold!

She’s not afraid to be heartless…”

Words I heard that left me astounded

 

Is this really true?

THIS is why I’m so confused

 

I’m not a heartbreaker

Truth is I’d rather be real

Sometimes I just can’t feel

Cause my heart is concealed

 

All parts of me are tucked away

The butterflies don’t even come out and play

But its still there. I’m not dead inside.

 

It’s cause I’m stuck

Buried under a pile of snow

 

I came to the realization that as

I mature and I endure these feelings of solitude

I envy those that aren’t afraid to leave their hearts bare for others to share.

Strength

Strength

 

Strength only seems to be so hidden

Cause you’re not paying attention

It’s like a scientist trying to come up with an invention

So many thoughts about worry

Like your in the lab just scurrying

 

The worry so deep it puctured your soul

Like a bomb just waiting to explode

tick…tick…tick

 

And you still sit there and you wonder

Where is the strength?

You’ve been thinking about this for days without end

 

You’re not this week person

But suddenly so distracted,

Extracted,

From reality.

And realizing that the capacity is gone

Your entagled in your thoughts

Stuck in a mess of distress

 

And the search for strength seems so complex

But it’s really not

Just keep looking inside

The answer is simple and two things combined

Have faith and he will pull you through

Love him and he will see you through it too

 

Strength is a roller coaster that makes you feel so high

Then suddenly low…

And that’s why its beautiful and makes you grow.